making lemonade

etc.

i forgot what it was like to shop, just to shop. i just bought some jeans, a blouse and a sweater.

i also bought a book online. for one penny.

my hair is now brown for reasons beyond my control. i'm mourning my blonde but i'm becoming okay with the new color.

i got to spend quality time with my cousin this weekend. she's unforgettably awesome. (start a blog, emily!)

i landed myself a baller babysitting gig for new years eve! it's always overrated anyway.

my sister and i have been lounging through the entire first season of Desperate Housewives. for this, i am slightly ashamed.

i haven't gotten through persuasion yet. or freakanomics. for this, i am also ashamed.

why i ordered another book online, i do not know. perhaps because it was a penny.

i think i like our cat. this is a sickening new development.

that is all for now.

she's like carrie. only better.

i always thought i was a nut case. neurotic. insane. and the craziest thing is i thought i was the only one.

until i discovered Cynthia Heimel.

now, y'all may know her. apparently a lot of people do. but i'm not into the latest thing or pop culture. i would suck at a game show, or a round of trivial pursuit.  i've only recently uncovered her genius, her frankness, her hilariousness and her way of saying the truth in the way i feel it.

let me provide examples. here are some fabulous quotes:

"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap."

i love this one. probably because i feel daily as if i am making a fool of myself.

“You know what we can be like: See a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says "I'd like you to meet Cecil," we shout, 'You're late again with the child support!'”

SHE'S LIVING INSIDE MY HEAD.

“There is only one way to set the world straight. A desperate measure, but it just might work. We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous. Do not confuse the two or disastrous results may ensue.”

this one is great, especially if you truly enjoy frivolity. which i do, immensely.

i'm one who learns by example, so let me share some.

things trivial  include: china patterns, volvo station wagons, PTO meetings, life insurance policies, designer sunglasses.

things frivolous include: singing, drinking champange, windows down music up, spinning in swirly dresses, kissing.

i love the frivolous.

especially talking on the phone, which is something i did for quite an extended period of time tonight.

which leads to another thing frivolous that i love. crushes. i might have one. yikes!

ANYWAY, i'm embarrassed to admit the names of her books, because they're, well, just google them, okay?

they're not exactly what they sounds like, i promise! so, i will be reading them, but to avoid the stares and the questions and the horrifyied looks from my roommate, i will be duct taping the cover.

people won't ask about that. noooo.

mr. payne

there are certain people in the world that simply make it a better place. earl payne is one of those people.

i met earl when i worked on the oncology floor while entertaining the thought of being a nurse. i was lucky lucky lucky to have been trained by earl. earl is a 6'2 250 pound teddy bear. he had been working as a tech on the onc floor for many years when i met him. he is loved by literally everyone who knows him. patients ask for him by name.

this giant black man has a giant heart and a giant smile. he loves to garden, and regularly bring in goods from his plot of earth. he was a newlywed when i met him, and a good husband to boot. i always caught him saying something nice or planning some cute date for his bride. very thoughtful guy. thoughtful + generous. God love earl.

as we trained together he kind of took me under his wing. i was his sidekick. he called me "lil mama" and instructed me to call him "big daddy". anytime i had a question or problem even after i was through training under earl, he was always willing to help.

there is no reason to be posting this, really. just that he's so wonderful and i miss him. he's one of those people, you know? one of the good ones.  if anyone deserves a shout out, it's earl. early payne. "big daddy".

 

can you guess which one is earl?

thank you tri delta

there are many reasons i am an advocate for greek life. i've been lucky enough to have had a incredibly positive experience, and i realize that not everyone has had that. i think part of it is that the greek system at the university i attend is very different from those at other universities. it's got smaller chapters, but we do big things. at least my house does. and of that i am very proud.

i could go on and on about how wonderful my house is, but that would proabably make me sound like a bragging parent than anything else. suffice to say that i love it. a lot.

among the many wonderful things i have learned by living in and being a part of a sorority, there is one thing i could live without.

i was never codependent before i came here. well, that's not true, i've always needed friends and family and people in my life. but not like this.

it's been 4 days and i. miss. my. friends.

over the weekend i've found myself desperately clinging to my brother and sister. adam has had to pry me off of him using a crowbar. i've popped my head into both my siblings rooms looking to talk/interrogate them/make them play with me on an hourly basis. i dragged my sister out to the movies last night even though she worked all day. then i made her sleep in my bed with me.

this is why i will never be able to live alone.

seriously though, i even outlined things to do over break in a convenient list (see previous post) and i STILL AM CLAMORING FOR LOVE. i should be enjoying this time alone for all those things people do when they're by themselves. (self reflect? self improve? day dream? HELP ME OUT HERE)

once while "group studying" in the back lounge my sister-friends and i discussed why a bunch of smart, good-looking, God-fearing women were still single with no prospects.

we decided is was our tri delta manufactured codependence. we love each other so much, we're the only people we spend time with. every weekend is a girls night out, or girls night in, or girls night something. because most of my friends are seniors, they are insistent about making every single second of time left count. the only problem is that all 4 years of college we've been like this. we've always liked each other too much for our own good.

we sit and watch couples get together and fall in love and get married and make babies all over the place. nearly every one of my good friends knows someone getting married, or someone who is married.  and we, our smart, good-looking, God-fearing selves can't even pull it together to get a boyfriend??

maybe if we spent less time together and were out in the place that exists beyond the walls of tri delt we would find those people but the truth is, for now, we are all in satisfied relationships...with each other.

don't get me wrong, the yearning for that special someone is there, oh yes. especially when it's "girls night in" and we're watching The Notebook. sigh.

but the reason we probably can't find those relationships is because we're not really looking. whenever we do "go out", we're in a group of 7-8 girls who sit around a table and provide a wall to the outside world that only the bravest guys would dare try and penetrate.

problem! not all guys are willing to approach 7-8 smart, good-looking, God-fearing women in a bar.

(not that bars are the greatest places to meet guys. like, at all.)

for some reason i really haven't taken up this particular dating issue. i've kind of been lucky to escape the boyfriendless-for-years curse. i've been on more dates this year than some of my sisters have been on in all their years of college.

which is saying something, because i have not been on that many dates.

my prediction is that upon leaving college and the safety net of tri delta these wonderful girls will meet suitable gentlemen callers and fall in love and get married and make babies or whatever they wanna make. cupcakes. whoppie. you name it. whatever they want.

cause they deserve that.

i'll sit here all by my lonesome and bug my biological sister to death about hanging out with me until i'm together again with my sorority sisters and we can bug each other all night long and make 4am QT runs till our hearts' content.

and maybe join this organization upon graduating.

a list.

because i'm seriously goal-oriented, i made this for my christmas break...in case i get bored without my QUALITATIVE METHODS project to keep me busy.

1. work out every other day, at least

2. read a jane austen novel

3. study ahead 4 chapters in my french book

4. review and prepare for my new tri delta office

5. work as much as the bosses want/need me to

6. babysit as much as clients want/need me to

7. write thank you notes to the participants in my research project

8. learn 20 new vocabulary words

i'm kind of a dork. but y'all knew that.

oh, perhaps i should add:

9. relax

10. enjoy christmas with my family

that's better. 

jussa few things

the date went well, very well, good, great. the setting was a really nice modern/italian restaurant in a fun part of town. i walked in and told the hostess i was meeting someone. "are you meeting a gentleman?" she asked me.

...a gentleman indeed, as it turns out.

not spilling anymore details for now, but we will definitely be going out again once i get back from break.

someone asked me if i liked him, and i told them i couldn't tell because we'd only had one date.

someone else asked me if i was smitten and i told them the same thing.

SPEED. LIMIT. 25. PEOPLE.

25.

anyway, tomorrow morning i'm getting up rather early to run one final errand and then have breakfast with one of my besties. the reason for this is singular: baked egg souffles at saint louis bread company aka panera. omgheaven. half your daily caloric intake, yet so, so worth it.  after that i'm grabbing a large coffee to go and hitting the road armed with the new britney CD. holler.

i'm going to see her world tour in dallas come march. double holler.

i'm kind of weirdly excited for the solo drive tomorrow, cause that's the only time you can really sing as if no one is listening. yessss. if anyone shorten the trip home, it's b. spears.

**disclaimer: i love britney only in a making-fun-of, she-cra-cra kind of way. and she's superfun to dance to. dolly parton, however, i love for reals. just thought i would clarify, lest someone  judge me for my britney fandom.

cause the fandom they would judge me for would surely be britney spears over dolly. surely.

speed limit 25.

i'm hesitant to write about a date that has yet to happen, but my excitement is overriding any self control i should be exhibiting at this particular moment.

i'm infamous for my 0-60 speed setting on the dating scene, y'all know this about me. i also have a knack for falling for guys for what they are and not who they are.  like the cute football player! remember? SO CUTE. zero brains.

(he's engaged now.)

(how does this happen.)

ANYWAY, gee dee facebook has RUINED my low pressure, low anxiety feelings about this whole rendezvous. i was somewhat chill when i got the ask-out, but after peeking at his profile i'm way more excited than i need to be.

...he loves jesus y'all.

there were several other indications that HG will be forming a crush on this guy, but i will abstain from reciting them here because it's far too early.

too early! too early. too early.

slow down HG. no need for a 0-60 here. you are far too old for that.

i'll let y'all know how it goes...

IN OTHER NEWS, i am 100% finished with the fall 2008 semester. SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. i don't think it has fully set in yet, but suffice to say-- I'M ELATED.

well, i'm happy now. just wait till next week when they post grades. that's the real test of happiness. i'm headed home probably wednesday, in order to a) avoid the ice storms headed my direction b) maximize time with my friends here (thank you tri delta for making me codependant!) c) okay, okay, maybe getting to know this potential boy has a little something to do with it too.

i'm just sayin'.

my ability to be slothful ceases to amaze.

what did my endlessly unnecessary hours of procrastinations and utter laziness cost me today? 100% necessary hours of working on THAT CONFOUNDED QUALITATIVE METHODS OF SOCIOLOGICAL RESEARCH PROJECT. 

thank the Big Man i am done with literally every other class so i can focus purely on putting off my project! i don't know what i would do if i had to procrastinate something else too.

i really only study my best when i've exhausted any other form of entertainment. therefore i must spend at least one hour having "fun" (reading, facebooking, bloghopping, gmailing, etc...ing) before i get started on any given task.

today i got up early, like around 11 (...) and went christmas caroling with some other university sorority girls. (but only after my hearing, which is already bad, was annihilated by the fire alarm going off for 20 minutes while i did my makeup. hell no i wasn't running outside in the cold! i put my ipod ear buds in and continued applying just the right amount of blush!)  i was totally feeling that holiday/panhellenic spirit as we "sang" (squeaked/choked on/made a joke of) the classic christmas carols. the woman in charge of leading us around awkwardly introduced us as "The TU Sorority Girls", which is always weird to be called for some reason, even if that's what we are. is that odd? yes? okay, just checking.

after singing to the old folks i changed into more comfortable clothes (translation: looked like a scrub) and headed to My Favorite Place In The Entire World, also known and SAINT LOUIS BREAD COMPANY, or for everyone else, Panera (gross, just typing it feels like betrayal).  i was there from around 1:30-8ish, but of course didn't work the whole time as i had to get in my requisite hour of messing around on the internet in.

i was good from about 2:30 on, and have just now dubbed it time for a break. the plan from here is to print off what i already have (about 50 pages. how many trees forests is that?), asses the situation, and go again from there.

...possibly with some online 30 Rock inbetween.  speaking of, i should probably get started on that. blogging counts as part of my necssary time wasting.

peace, love and kenneth the page.

actions speak louder

all in my head...

oh lord, is that my roommate? what is she doing awake?? IT'S DEAD DAYS. YOU PRETEND TO BE DEAD AND SLEEP AN INORDINATE AMOUNT OF TIME. what time is is, why is she awake? oh, it's 12:30? perhaps maybe i should wake up now. what was she doing anyway? WORKING OUT?? IT'S 19 DEGREES! oh lord.

2 hours later.

i should probably get up and shower, huh? i wonder what my suitemates are doing. perhaps i should go see.

1 hour later.

i'm hungry.

4 hours later.

i'm on the couch. why am i not getting up? get. up. move. now. you've been here too long, and the caffeine from that soda you just drank is only going to enable you for so much longer. get up.

1 hour later.

damn, the internet is down! i can't check blogs! i can't waste time on facebook and gmail! i guess i should get to work studying, yes? HG? I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NEVER LISTENING TO ME...

if you're reading this, that means i got the internet back, which means i will be wasting time for another 14 hours and not doing the second half of my QUALITATIVE METHODS OF SOCIOLOGICAL RESEARCH PROJECT.  it sounds about as fun as it is, lemme tell ya. peace!

it pays to have post-its.

they line the shelf above my desk. they are each labeled with a major task (paper, presentation, study guide, etc.) and i am able to switch them around and change up the order and add one and take one away and it's a wonderful process that helps me stay on top of every single thing i have to do each day. i'm falling in love with a small block of adhesive paper.

this is my personal finals week. i am lucky in that i don't have to stay and endure actual comprehensive 3 hour long exams (got lucky, the only one i had was cancelled!), but i am paying for it now in the blood sweat and tears that are going into my projects, papers and presentations.

okay, so no blood. no sweat, really. and no tears.

yet.

i worked a lot over "break" to get on top of stuff for this week, but it did little to help.  i've still been pulling out about 4-6 hours of work at a time while still going to classes.  the sick thing is, since i'm on top of my stuff for once, i'm actually enjoying it.

enjoying hunkering down in my room for SIX HOURS doing nothing but writing papers and reading notes and preparing powerpoint presentations and speaking french to the walls and ceiling? yes, i really am. i think it's cause i feel like i've accomplished a lot this week.

or it's because i'm a raging masochist.

either way, at least i'm being productive!